I'm not sure what to title this one...

So I skipped class this morning (SHHH...don't tell Mike!). I had some really weird dreams last night, it's not unusual for my dreams to be weird or disturbing in some way (which again makes me think, maybe I SHOULD be in therapy). Anyways, I woke up pretty early and was just lying in bed thinking for awhile about the "what ifs'" of my life. Few people know how difficult school has always been for me, those who are very close, know the reasons why. Anyways, my parents always raised us to think that your education does not end after high school, you are not done until you get a college degree. So after high school my parents, my sister and I went up to Washington to look at a college...wish I could remember the name. It was beautiful up there, rolling hills, sprawling fields, everything was so green. I found myself wishing I had decided to go there instead of CBU. I chose CBU because it was comfortable, ALL of my family, starting with my Grandfather went there. Not to mention, thanks to their low academic standards at the time, I was actually accepted. I spent this morning wondering how different my life would have been. I realize, thinking of "what might have been" is not a new concept, but its interesting when its about your own life. It's interesting because only you know the weight of the decisions you have made, the things you love, things you regret, things that caused you pain. I didn't enjoy my time at CBU, I made a few good friends there, but I found that people were unfriendly and created cliques quickly that I never fit into. I wondered what the college in Washington was like, I imagined everyone (being away from the superficial so. Cal.) being really nice. I pictured myself with a big group of friends I felt comfortable with, meeting a guy I married after we graduated. We would stay in Washington because thats where he got a job, we had all the same great friends, we bought a house and started having kids after being married for two years.

But life is messy, and in my personal experience, I am where I'm at because I made stupid decisions. Stupid decisions that led me to the happy place I'm at now. It is kind of a weird thought. I met Michael because I did not have the good sense to break-up with my loser boyfriend after high school, I moved home for this guy, eventually broke up and I went back to school where I met Mike after a moth of being single. With as much pain and baggage that relationship gave me, I would not have met Mike at the exact time I was supposed to. Yes I know everything happens for a reason blah, blah. It is a heavy thought that every decision you make is going to effect you either negatively or positively...and of the bad or negative decisions you make, something good will eventually be the result. Just think about it for a minute, EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE, WILL EFFECT YOUR FUTURE. Such a simple idea, with really lasting...consequences? Effects? Guess it's up for debate.