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Im not quite sure what this blog is going to be about exactly (don't expect it to make too much sense because I think in fragments and this is my blog, and that is how I write).  Spring/Summer time stirs comforting emotions in me (maybe it is because the weather gets warm and the BBQ's get broken out of hibernation).  I remember playing at the church we lived next to with my brother and sister when I was 5.  I remember afternoons at my Grandparents' house when Grandpa would get upset with us for opening a soda and not finishing it.  I remember climbing up my favorite tree in the backyard to watch the sunset over our neighbor's yard.  Like I said, these are all things that are comforting to me, but I don't understand why I have to hold back the tears when I think about them.  There is something about Oklahoma that reminds me of where I grew up (Bakersfield).  I love the feel of country, I love seeing random cows in fields, I love sprawling grass lands.  I always feel homesick, but I'm getting to the point where I don't know for exactly where.  Sometimes I feel homesick for a certain period in time, a time in my childhood (even though you could not pay me enough to go back).  The idea of getting older and everything changing scares me.  I don't like the thought of loosing my parents, my husband, my anything.  I don't know where this train of thought is going....  Oklahoma is starting to feel more like home, which I guess is normal because we are coming up on our second year of living here.  I stood out on the back porch an hour ago, when I let Jezebel out for her last potty of the night, and I just stood and listened.  Our house backs up to a creek so we have lots of trees just past our fence.  It is one of my favorite times of day when it is dark out with a warm, light breeze.  I could hear the crickets and the frogs, I could see the tress moving in the breeze and the fire bugs all around (which I love).  I have just been struggling with feeling content.  I guess that is something I have dealt with all my life.  Mike and I keep saying things will be great when we move back to Cali and are close to family again.  We want to enjoy our time here, and we don't feel like we are wasting it, but we both get homesick.  That is when I realize that I'm ok with being in OK (haha).  It sounds dumb but...pretty much...Michael is my home...Im going to be fine anywhere we can be together.  That is kind of an abrupt ending, but hey, I already told you this would be fragmented.       

Night, night.